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Server Not Servant Question #1
By: Patrick Maguire
Book Chapter: Manners / Gratitude
Posted: 05/15/2010
Shortly after deciding to write a book, I circulated a questionnaire to everyone I knew and everyone I met to solicit their insights, opinions, and stories about customers , servers, hospitality and human interactions. I am still accepting completed questionnaires for my research. The questionnaires have been invaluable because of the broad range of experiences and perspectives included in the responses. Workers have been sharing what they were thinking but couldn’t say while dealing with impossible customers, and customers have been dishing on servers and fellow customers alike. I’ll continue to include responses to the questionnaires in future blog posts to ensure that “The Voices of Service Industry Workers Everywhere” are heard, along with the voices of thoughtful customers.
I’ve decided to intermittently post each of the questions in individual blog posts to encourage participation from readers who would would rather not complete the entire questionnaire. I welcome responses from your perspective as a current or former customer service industry worker, and from your experiences as an observant customer. Please feel free to elaborate, in addition to assigning numbers in response to each item below. Thank you for joining the discussion.
In your experiences, what percentage of customers are:
A. Very polite, respectful and courteous?
B. Indifferent, but decent?
C. Impolite/disrespectful?
D. Downright rude?
12 Responses to “Server Not Servant Question #1”
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Permalink | Posted in Manners / Gratitude | 12 Comments »
A. Very polite, respectful and courteous? 89%
B. Indifferent, but decent? 10%
C. Impolite/disrespectful? -1%
D. Downright rude? -1%
Patrick, there is a reason for these ratios. I believe a lot of it comes from within me. The way I chose to behave, my posturing, my deliberate ignorance of rudeness – as if I didn’t notice. “Oh! were you being rude…didn’t notice.”
I don’t allow people to be rude to me, maybe it’s my persona? I dunno, Ricky? If it happens, I push back harder! “they no like” they are in shock and awe and change immediately, I smile, they smile, we are happy again!
Hope this helps!
Penelope
I agree with Penelope. A lot of it is perception and psychology.
I think you should also add “impatient” to your list. Since the advent of the Internet, cell phones, etc, everything is instant and automatic, or it becomes a horrendous inconvenience. I work part-time where we have baked goods that are especially popular on weekends and holidays. The concept of, “sorry, we ran out,” or, “it will be thirty minutes for another batch to bake” is unacceptable to several of our patrons. A grown man once flung a muffin down on the counter and stormed off because I didn’t get to the register fast enough to ring in his purchase (I doubt he considered it would be at least five minutes to get to another venue).
Hmmm…maybe “acting entitled” is another one…
I work at a hotel and have a pretty good set-up so my answers may not reflect a lot of server’s situations.
A: 70%
B: 20%
C: 8%
D: 2%
A. Very polite, respectful and courteous? – 88%
B. Indifferent, but decent? – 10%
C. Impolite/disrespectful? – 1%
D. Downright rude? – 1%
I travel and work in diferent restaurants and bars all over the US. Most of the customers I have served are decent folk. Few qualify for Very polite, at least initially. I am persistant in my respect and usually recieve respect in return. Working in retirement communities, I find the elder often are hard of hearing and rudeness is a defense mechanism that can be overcome with politeness. Overall:
A. 45%
B. 45%
C. 4%
D. 6%
A. About 50%
B. About 30%
C. About 15%
D. Rude 5%
The 50% make your day…but the 5% can ruin your day. The 5% are those people that totally amaze me…almost like a science project…how does a person get that way? Raised by wolves, maybe?
A. Very polite, respectful and courteous? 50%
In my experience in US restaurants, quite a lot of people are respectful of the servers and polite.
B. Indifferent, but decent? 40%
In this rather large group I would put habitual restaurant goers who eat out on business and are more focused on that aspect of the meal than on what they eat or by whom they are served. Their indifferent yet professional demeanor is decent towards the service personnel.
C. Impolite/disrespectful? 9%
I could see one in ten persons come across as not too polite, either through their general attitude or specific ways of interacting with the service staff. Among these persons are rubes who mean no harm but lack social graces.
D. Downright rude? 1%
This category includes powerless folks who need to take out their frustration somewhere and why not in a place where they can play boss. Also folks with low self esteem and those with way too much. Finally, all-round jerks and the rare very verbal misanthrope.
A. 45%
B. 35%
C. 15%
D. 5%
Very polite: 75% of my costumers *I have alot of my regualrs whom I love! And we laugh and have a great time together while they are out.
Indifferent but decent: 15% of my costumers *I call these ones my “filler tables”- they don’t really interact with me but they are just there- they tell me what they want and how they want it.
Impolite/disrespectful: 5% of my costumers *This are the ones that can just mess up my night completly because they catch me off gaurd!
Down right RUDE: almost 5% of my costumers *These ones just make me laugh because they are so miserable its commical!
In your experiences, what percentage of customers are:
A. Very polite, respectful and courteous? 20 percent, excluding regulars, who have to be nice to you.
B. Indifferent, but decent? 30 percent
C. Impolite/disrespectful? 45 percent
D. Downright rude? 5 percent
I think you should also add “impatient” to your list. Since the advent of the Internet, cell phones, etc, everything is instant and automatic, or it becomes a horrendous inconvenience. I work part-time where we have baked goods that are especially popular on weekends and holidays. The concept of, “sorry, we ran out,” or, “it will be thirty minutes for another batch to bake” is unacceptable to several of our patrons. A grown man once flung a muffin down on the counter and stormed off because I didn’t get to the register fast enough to ring in his purchase (I doubt he considered it would be at least five minutes to get to another venue).
+1
I hesitate to commit to any sort of pie-chart that sorts out customers’ behavior. Overall, 80% of my customers are delightful and that’s why I’ve remained in the restaurant business for over 32 years.
Sadly, the 3%-5% of folks who’re true monsters skew the “unhappiness” ratio. The problem is that when there’s an idiot in the room, the demanding, unreasonable customer in one’s place of business can create such a disturbance that either the servers, while addressing their outrageous demands, will have to neglect other, happy customers, or worse, the nasties actually have a *directly* detrimental effect on their neighboring customers’ experience.
The small percentage, also, impact a server’s overall experience by a profoundly greater margin than their actual numbers. Because a high-drama, high-tension situation caused by a rude, ignorant, entitled customer can raise one’s adrenaline (etc.) I find that the tiny percentage of these bad experiences linger with me, psychologically, long after the delightful warmth of my regular, satisfied customers wears off.
That’s one of the reasons why it was with great caution that I arrived at the conclusion that so few of my customers are truly troublesome. Really, the nice ones are par-for-the-course… the single bone-head of the week remains memorable well into cocktail hour in the evening; whereas the rest have just melded into the crowd, so far as my conscious memory is concerned.
What I think is most singularly astounding is that the small percentage of troublesome customers feel that they can run roughshod over other human beings merely because they’re forking over a few of their hard-earned dollars for lunch or dinner.
One of my favorite things to do is ask people who’re downright nasty where they work. But for a few real morons, they refuse to tell me; because of course they’d never endure the kind of abuse we take at their hands would our roles be reversed…
Now, to the few “real morons” I describe hereinabove. These people, one must understand, have psychological problems. Because of poor upbringing or perhaps trauma, they’re completely narcissistic and abusive when dealing with their fellow human beings. I train my servers to understand that these people are as handicapped as the person in the wheelchair who needs our help when being seated, or the deaf person who must utilize a pad and pencil to communicate to us.
It really comes down to mental illness (that thought came to mind when reading the comment above about the muffin-shop customer who threw his purchase at the server who didn’t snap to attention at his need for immediate service, above and beyond everything else going on in the store). And, as much as we may be hurt by these imbeciles, we must also recognize that we cannot change another person’s behavior any more than we can teach a pig to sing. It’s our own perception of these people (as ill people who must be tolerated in some instances) that we can change.
The last category (a sub-category of the “worst”) are really troublesome. They’re certainly not right in the head, but aren’t clinically, mentally ill and don’t display any of the traits related thereto. This category are the people who go out to eat and consider it a game — the game to find out how much they’re gonna get for free.
Normally, when you or I go out to a meal, we’re seeking a relaxing, satisfying experience with friends or loved ones. Not these clowns. They’ve probably never enjoyed really relaxing and basking in the glow of fine-quality fare and great service. Nope. Instead, from the very beginning, they complain about their table location, the bartender, the server, then the food. Their sole goal is to get as much of the meal “comped” as possible. I’ve actually heard these louts brag to their dining companions about how much they can get out of a server or manager “for free.” Yes, they brag right within hearing distance. For the early part of my career, I got pwned by these folks over and over (because I really would like to believe that we all have good hearts and are honorable, good people). Nowadays, I can smell them coming from miles away and react accordingly.
The fool who stands up and howls “I’ll tell all my friends about how awful you are!” when I refuse to “comp” a table of four drinks and appetizers because their ice-water came without lemon. The shrill nightmare who sends her (expensive) steak back four times because we can’t cook it crusty-black outside yet raw and cold inside. The monster (with asbestos lips) who slams his steaming coffee cup down on the table and demands that we “make it hot.” — These are all the characters that, sadly, my colleagues in the world of corporate-run restaurants aren’t allowed to say a word to. Indeed, many restaurant managers are oblivious to this demographic and don’t empower their employees to stick up for themselves (and their organization). My joy, after many, many years and now that I’m “the boss” is to invite these people to use the door — and never return.